My sister is coming to stay for a few days, so my plan for today was to clean house in the morning and cut the grass in the afternoon.
Since I don’t have a spare room, sis sleeps on the couch. Yes, that couch. The one the dogs sleep on. The only one I have. In the living room. Yes, the living room the dogs sleep in. Yes, I know everything in there is covered in dog fur – I’ve been too busy outside lately to clean properly.
She’s my sister, for heaven’s sake! She can live with a few dog hairs. After all, she’s family. Just like my dogs are family. Get used to it.
But.....guilt, guilt, guilt.....I decided I really should give the living room a little more than a lick and a promise. It’s a small room – should only take an hour for a thorough cleaning. How much dog hair can three dogs produce?
I decided to rearrange furniture - there's nothing like rearranging furniture to make a room really feel clean. And nothing like rearranging furniture to uncover the spiders, dead flies, dust moose and dirty socks that have been cowering under and behind furniture since the last time it was rearranged.
Of course, once I'd pulled the couch out I realized how dirty the rug was. No problem. I have a nice new carpet cleaner – I’ll just give it a quick shampoo. Oh, but first I have to vacuum the dog hair up so it doesn't clog the shampooer.
Hmmmm……how to do this. I know! I’ll move all the furniture to one side, vacuum, shampoo, move it all to other side...
I start. Looks good. Move furniture to other side. Vacuum second half……Whooops – is that moisture I see heading into my very expensive Dyson Animal Vac? I must have run over a freshly shampooed part of the rug that didn’t have all the water sucked out of it. Oh poop.
No problem....I’ll just quickly take the vacuum apart, dry it out, and continue.
Pull out manual to find out how to clean it...., take out rollers, dry out hoses, .....hmmmmm, still moisture in there. I can fix this....take out screwdriver and remove faceplate on bottom of vacuum. Oooooops - who knew all those little plastic bits were going to come tumbling out?? Reconstruct vacuum ***whew*** actually got it back together and there’s no extra pieces sitting on the table.
Back to the manual. Next step: clean filter. Okay....open this, take out that, rinse under tap. Last step: “Let filter dry for at least 12 hours”.
But my sister will be here in nine!!! And I need to vacuum!!!! Why didn’t they say that first?????: Would it be so difficult to print “CAUTION: YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT TWELVE HOURS AFTER DOING THIS STEP”???
Hang filters outside to dry. Lug in Shop Vac from garage....vacuum....shampoo....rearrange furniture....no room for dog beds (you know, the ones that only Belle sleeps in since Charley sleeps on the couch and Sadie prefers the rug).....rearrange furniture.....still no room for dog beds......rearrange furniture.....contemplate getting rid of dog beds .....rearrange furniture....contemplate getting rid of dogs.....return furniture to original location.
Total time to clean living room: 5 hours 45 minutes.
Sis, I hope you know what I went through for you.
Oh shoot, I forgot to open up the hide-a-bed to check for dog hairs which, upon hearing the vaccum, had beat a hasty retreat down the back of the couch and embedded themselves in the mattress.
So much for the rest of the housework or the lawn. I just hope the dogs will distract her sufficiently that she won't notice the mess. Maybe I'll just smear a little liverpaste on her suitcase as she walks through the door.