Off to the groomers
Preparing to take my three dogs to the groomers this morning was reminiscent of those single parenting days when a quick trip to the grocery store in the middle of an Albertan winter meant lugging out the diaper bag, the bottle, the car seat, the stroller, putting baby in umpteen layers of clothes, finding the mittens, the hat, spare blankets in case we slid off the road, and so on.
Steps for taking the dogs to the groomers:
• Clean out car to remove left over treats, fast food bags and important mail that nosy dogs may chew up, fight over, or simply shred.
• Vacuum car with shop vac to get rid of the remains of two bales of straw which will otherwise become trapped in their fluffy clean fur and miraculously release itself all over the house.
• Adjust seats since crippled seniors can’t jump into the high back of a Pathfinder, nor clamber onto back seat unless front seat is in the most forward position.
• Put down half the back seat so one of the dogs can move through to the cargo space since Charley will NOT share a space with anyone.
• Fasten blankets and mats on leather seats so dogs won’t slide off every time I brake, seat belts or not.
• Hum and haw about barriers and dog seat belts – remember I loaned dog seatbelt to daughter, and can’t use barrier as dogs can’t jump up into cargo space. Decide to use ordinary harness and leash snapped onto regular seatbelt for Belle who sits in the front, and snap leashes to seatbelts for Charley and Sadie in back. Dig out regular seat belts from under the back seat which is now folded down on top of them.
• Find flat collar with tags for each dog just in case some idiot creams my car and in the ensuing chaos the dogs bolt. (My dogs don’t wear collars at home due to the dangers of strangulation should they catch on one another while playing).
• Find martingales and leashes in the right size for each – Charley has mastered the art of slipping the flat collar. The martingale will prevent a sudden dash for freedom at the instant Charley realizes where she is and backs up saying “Oh my doG, it’s THAT place where they stick us in the bathtub, pour water on our heads, shave our bellies, and do other horrible things to us!!!!Run for your life!!!”
• Find treats for rewards, paper towels in case of sickness, and doggy bags for the inevitable moving of the bowels at the most embarrassing, inconvenient moment.
• Move Sadie, who has climbed into the front seat, into the back. Lift the singing sheltie, who is hopping about in a frenzy, into the front. Run back to house to drag reluctant Charley (who hates car rides) back out for the umpteenth time and coax her into the back where she GLARES at Sadie who has not moved far enough around into the cargo area and dares to leave the tip of her tail on Charley’s seat.
• Sigh...off we go.
"I am ignoring you. I am NOT sharing this seat with you."
"Hey, where ya goin'??? Can we come toooooooo???"
So I drop off the dogs at Markeyda’s Grooming and head to the stores. Spend as much in an awesome gourmet food place as I will spend on grooming three dogs. Stop at bakery, bank and thrift store. Pick up dogs.
Part way home, realize there are rustling noises coming from the cargo area. Glance in rear view mirror.....whip head around.....whip head back just in time to move car back into correct lane and slam on brakes to avoid hitting car at light. Breathe deeply and growl at Sadie in my most threatening voice “You better NOT be eating that nice fresh bread. I just bought. You better not. You better not!!”
In the silence that followed, I swear I heard Sadie quietly singing the following tune (which only those readers over 50 will likely remember ….):
All together now, one, two, three
Keep your mind on your drivin’
Keep your hands on the wheel
Keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead
We’re havin’ fun, sittin’ in the back seat
Sniffin’ and a squishin’ the bread,
Da da da daa dum
Every dog sure loves fresh bread
Da da da daa dum
Wish that I could eat this bread! WOOF!
(Apologies to Paul Evans)
Sadie, post groom
"And then the groomer did WHAT?????"
Charley, post groom
Princess Belle: "I'm beautiful AND good!"
Charley: "Such an exhausting day! Good night!"