Friday, April 2, 2010

Morning conversations

Soggy Doggy

The Setting: A small house in a small town. Outside, gale force winds, driving rain and bitterly cold temperatures set the stage. Inside, four dogs, a cat and a grey-haired woman are having a conversation. Grey-haired woman began the morning by stepping with bare feet into a large pile of poop enroute to the kitchen. Feet washed, rug cleaned, she now stands at the open back door in her coat and boots.

Woman: Out, all dogs out! Go do your business.

Charley: No way. It’s mizrable out there!

Belle: No thank you. I already went out to do my business when I woke you up two hours ago.

Sadie: Don’t need to. Did it already. On the rug.

Oliver: Let’s go to the beach!

Allie: Cats rule, dogs drool. I have my own personal commode in the house! Nyah nyah nyah!

Woman forces all dogs out. All dogs do more business and dash back in -- except Oliver, who does his happy dance (which is a canine version of the bunny hop) all around the yard.

Woman: Oliver, inside! (Grabs his collar and hauls him in).

Oliver: The beach, the beach! It’s time for my polar bear swim!

Woman: Oliver, it is awful out there – can’t we give it a miss?

Oliver: The beach, the beach! It’s time for my polar bear swim!
Oliver prances around the mudroom and then stands with nose to door).

Woman: It’s too windy! It’s too wet! It’s too cold!

Oliver: The beach, the beach! It’s time for my polar bear swim!

Woman, with deep sigh and great feelings of guilt, puts heavy sweater under her gortex jacket, pulls hoodie tight around face, puts warm raincoat on Oliver, snaps on leash and heads out.

They made it as far as the start of the seawalk. Oliver was blown right off the edge of the sidewalk twice, landing on his side in the muddy gutter. The woman was soaked through to the skin and freezing. She told him they were going home.

Oliver: Mommmmmmmmmm, I hazn’t had my swim.

Woman: You are soaking wet. You’ve had a swim. You’ve just forgotten.

You can fool a dog some of the time, especially one with canine cognitive disorder (doggy alzheimers). Unfortunately this wasn’t one of those times. He dragged his furry little paws all the way back home at a snail’s pace, moping and grumbling the whole time, forever looking back at the ocean and trying to turn me around. It was not a pleasant stroll.

The other dogs just looked at him like he was crazy. The cat blinked her eyes and smirked. And Oliver is still pacing around, waiting to go for a swim.


Anonymous said...

Oh Oliver, you crack me up...must be nice to be on "the other side" of reality my friend. Love you and Happy Easter to you and your family.


Anonymous said...

Poor little orange Polar Bear, brave too, deprived of the most joyous thing in his life.


Anonymous said...

Oliver I'm glad you mom had more sense than you do. The waves yesterday were not to be trifled with. They would have sent you body surfing onto shore. Much better to stay inside where it was warm and dry.


sobe said...


Have you come up with a good reason why Oliver had to miss his polar bear swim yet, LOL LOL LOL

Black Jack's Carol said...

Poor Oliver! I feel your pain, but give your mom a break. She really did try her best. Hope you were able to get a quick swim in today. What is up with this shift in the weather anyway?

Janice Gillett said...

hahahahha LOL

Woman: You are soaking wet. You’ve had a swim. You’ve just forgotten