Ummmmm....Piggies, we need to talk!!

Apparently, there is a plot afoot. This morning I uncovered an interesting set of emails in which the piggies confess to having been in the house while I slept. One read, in part, "Pwease don’t tell Foster Mama we was using the 'puter – she is asleep and doesn’t know we snuck in here to see what a couch is like to sleep on, but there’s a doggy on it. An the doggy doesn’t share. We’s goin back to the barn now."

Why would they want to know what a couch is like to sleep on, you ask? Well maybe it is because of the ideas a certain "Auntie Ewwen" is putting in their heads. It appears to be in response to this:

WELLLLLLLLL, I have it on good authority that your Foster Mama is going to a “class” on Saturday, a class where girls can learn how to use tools and you know what????? Those tools can be used to build houses. So I think she is taking the class to learn to build a house for you, one with a comfy bedroom and a proper bathroom with a TOILET which you will have to learn to use so she doesn’t have to shovel poop so much.
I think the new house might also have a TV and a play room in it for you little ones and a kitchen and a living room for Mama Soda and Papa Scotch, where we can have fancy drinks with little umbrellas in them. Oh, and I saw in the newspaper that Mama and Papa have placed an ad for more servants for the house. But piggies, don’t let them take away my exciting delivery job of bringing you greens or I’ll be very sad. But I understand if your new big house will require more servants. There is a certain Auntie Janice that I’m sure would also like to keep her job at your house being the Cookie Lady. And of course your Foster Mama wouldn’t give up her job in the kitchen and as the Puter to Bedder Lady.
All we have to do now is find someone to clean up your bathrooms, that is of course unless……………… do you think you guys could learn to squat over the toilet and flush???

So, clearly the piggies and I need to have a little chat. And since they apparently know how to use a computer, I expect they are also reading the blog. So:

Piggies , I know that I promised you a very comfortable life, but just because I brought home a piggy poster (“Piggy Wisdom”) for your wall, this does not mean that you should now be planning for a TV, a couch, coffee tables, indoor refrigerator, popcorn popper, and the assistance of an interior decorator to plan the paint scheme and pull it all together.

You do realize that I am supporting a family of 17 (one human and 16 critters) on my sole salary and have other finanacial responsibilities as well? And that renovations cost money? And having furniture in the barn would mean first of all insulating it, re-roofing it, and having the wiring redone?

So unless you have a personal “IN” with a man named Ty who does Extreme Makeovers on television, I think you better scale back your expectations and be content with the poster and the straw and the nutritious food and treats. ‘Cuz it just ain’t gonna happen, piggies, it ain’t gonna happen.

Love, Foster Mama