The Three Little Pigs - the REAL story

(with apologies to James Orchard Halliwell-Phillipps, who wrote the original version of the famous fictional children's story in 1843)

The three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little piggies named Whisper, Rob Roy, and Fizz.

They were very smart little piggies. They knew that if they were in the barn by themselves, while their brothers and sister were out in the field, they would get extra treats from Foster Mama.

So every morning after all the pigs had eaten their grains and greens, they watched as their siblings wandered down to the bottom of the field. If any lagged behind, they would whisper “Ooooh, there are good things in that bottom field! I hear there might be some truffles buried down there, or hazelnuts, or even BANANAS!"( piggies LOVE bananas). Sometimes they would even escort the dawdling piglet half way down the slope.

And as soon as their seven siblings had their heads buried in the dirt and roots and winter straw, digging for the imaginary truffles, the three little piggies would slip quietly back into the barn just as Foster Mama was cleaning the stalls and putting away the feeding dishes and tidying up. They would put their cute little snouties through the slats in the stall, and look at Foster Mama expectantly. And they were never disappointed – out came the very special, extra yummy, only-get-a-few, really-really-really-good biscuits.

Silently they ate their treat, so not to attract the attention of their siblings with any munching or squealing. And when it was done, they licked their lips and with a smirk on their faces scampered back out of the barn to join their family. And that is the real story of the three little pigs. The End.

Epilogue: Whisper, Rob Roy and Fizzy have been doing this ever since the pig yard was enlarged and the spring weather arrived. However, I think the gig is up. Today, perhaps because of the rain (piggies HATE rain), Derby and Toddy came back to the barn and caught them in the act.

Immediately, the intruders shouted to all the others: “HEEEYYYYYY EVERYBODY! IT’S TREAT TIME!!!” And to me they said, “No fair, Foster Mama, you’re not supposed to play favourites!” And to their three spoiled siblings, “You’ve been sucking up to Foster Mama since the day you were born!!!”

And Derby and Toddy are right – those three, Whisper, Rob Roy and Fizzy, were the first to bond with me, the first to allow belly rubs, and the first to catch on to the fact that 'Foster Mama equals food'.

But like all good parents, I mustn't play favourites. So I guess I better find a way to clean the stalls with all 10 piglets in there, ‘cuz I have a feeling my few morning moments with the sweet scheming trio are now a thing of the past.