Life on the farm

I was rushing through the barn chores this morning because the dogs were impatient to get into the fields. They don’t understand the concept of “sleep in late” – it doesn’t matter one whit to them that I was up until after midnight last night and want to sleep in a little this morning. Morning is morning, and routine is routine. “Get with the program, Mom!”

Consequently, with only one cup of coffee and no breakfast in my belly, there was no way around it - I was going to have to get outside with the critters. Snow on the ground, freezing temperatures, and a very brisk cold wind made for a slightly unpleasant task without the aid of a warm breakfast and another coffee.

Water dishes were frozen, the ground around the barn was 2 inches of mud under its crusty surface of snow, the pigs were starving (or so they said), and with my frozen fingers and with grey cells misfiring I didn’t quite latch the gate from the stall to the centre part of the barn as I traipsed back and forth with hay and shavings and five gallon jugs of water.

Now, normally this isn’t a problem when I’m working in the barn. The piggies are outside eating their greens while I do these tasks, having already downed their grain like it was their last meal on earth. However.....

Because it was cold, Mama Soda and son Swizzle decided to slip back into the stall, unnoticed by me. And one of them, ever observant when it comes to access to food, noticed the not-quite-shut-gate. As I washed the mud from the water dishes, I heard “thump, crash, thump, thump, ooof, oink, thump, crash” from the centre of the barn. I swung around and this is what I saw:

Jackpot!!!


The little monsters had knocked off three large containers and several empty water jugs to root out the one and only plastic bin that temporarily holds excess pig feed that didn't fit in the newly-filled metal garbage cans with hard-to-remove lids.

Now, pigs LIVE for food. Getting them to abandon such a wonderful treasure trove of goodies and return to their stall was quite a challenge. All the other pigs heard the commotion, and came running into the barn to crowd around the now-closed stall gate, intent on joining their mom and brother. To open the gate to get the two recalcitrant pigs back where they belong is to let ten others join in the fun and chaos reign supreme. Pigs can be stubborn, independent, wild and quick - it's rather like trying to herd cats! Big, noisy, heavy, hard-to-move cats!

The whole adventure was exacerbated by the dogs, who were barking up a storm. Charley was barking because joggers dared to run down “her” road, Sadie because she wanted me to hurry up and take them into the pasture, and Belle because....well, because she’s a sheltie. It’s what shelties do. They bark. A lot. In a very shrill, persistent voice. I think they figure they have to make up in noise what they lack in size.

Deep breaths, Jean, deep breaths. Block out the barking and squealing and grunting and think out a solution.

I decided to lock the rest of the pigs outside in their yard, so I could open the stall gate wide and herd Soda and Swizzle back into the stall. I went into the pigyard through the garden gate, slipped on mud and nearly landed on my butt, called to the pigs who came running outside, and quickly closed the barn door.....only to have the bottom section fall off its hinges. Aargghh! I’ve known those screws were pulling out and the wood was rotting for a while now. Rebuilding the door was one of those things on my “to do” list for summer. I guess it has just moved to the top of the list for today – or at least a temp fix.

The pigs run in and out as I try to improvise a barrier across the doorway. Sadie decides barking isn’t working so tries another tactic. She chooses to sit silently by the pig yard fence and give me the slightly-lowered-lid look that clearly says “WILL you hurry up???!!!” while sitting on my newly planted trees:

Sadie, the tree hugger

Barrier in place, pigs in the yard, Sadie sent to wait by the pasture gate, I returned to the centre area of the barn and after a brief conversation with Soda (which you can hear here, though the picture is very dark except near the end; all noises except my voice and some high-pitched piglet squealing are courtesy of one very vocal mama pig) I finally manoeuvered Soda and Swizzle into the stall.

Reverse all steps – go to pig yard, remove barrier, let Soda and Swizzle join others, double-check all gates, and finally ("FINALLY!!", says Sadie) head out to the pasture with the dogs.

Such is life on the farm on a cold, brisk, spring morning.