The Days of Whine and Hoses

Forget about building a better mouse trap. There are dozens of excellent four legged, furry mouse traps just waiting in shelters – the best mousetrap one could hope to own. What other mousetrap will not only catch the mouse but also dispose of it and then give you a cuddle as well???

What the world really needs is a better garden hose. You’d think, at a time in history when we can put people on the moon, talk to others a world away without wires or cords or heavy equipment, and manufacture electric cars that can detect obstacles when backing up, you’d think that someone out there could invent a garden hose that doesn’t kink, twist, catch on obstacles, or require buns of steel (or arms of steel, or back of steel) to haul around.

It is a gorgeous day with bright blue sky, lots of sunshine, and a cool breeze blowing, so I decided to take a couple of hours off from the marking frenzy and do something about the jungle out there in my yard. After I mowed the grass, I planted a dozen or so trees around the water tank, transplanted a few flowering shrubs, and then hauled out the hose to soak everything down. The yard work itself took me about two hours. The wrestling match with the hose took nearly two more.

If I buy a conventional hose that doesn’t kink, it is too heavy. Those green coiled “never kink” hoses that look like a giant slinky, while flexible enough, constantly tangle on themselves and every obstacle within fifty feet – which is probably why you can buy them dirt cheap at virtually every thrift store and garage sale. As for the handy-dandy machines that supposedly allow you to roll your hose around the yard and then turn a handle to uncoil or coil it……well, there’s one heck of a lot of those showing up at thrift stores too.

I want a light weight, durable, never-kink, never-twist, easy-to-coil, and long- enough-to-reach-all-over-my-very-large-yard hose. Is that too much to ask???