A friend's last gift

There are some blog entries that are easier to write than others.  Some pour forth onto the screen without thought or pause.  But some come in dribs and drabs – a phrase, an emotion, an image that fills the head and laboriously makes its way to the keyboard, swimming through eyes full of tears.  This is one of the latter kind.  My dear friend Bonnie, mom to Irish Wolfhound Keaghan,  passed away this week. 

Bonnie
October 13, 1950 - September 30, 2014
May we meet again on the other side

I first met Bonnie and Bob and their three beautiful wolfhounds Blue, Mara and Draeanne, on a visit to Crofton about seven or eight years ago.  My friend Else invited me on a dogwalk at Swallowfield with ‘a bunch of dogs and dog people’ and how could I refuse such an invite? It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

Bonnie and Bob
on one of our first hikes together

For the next several years, we all hiked together often.  And during those years, together we grieved the deaths of dogs, friends, and family. Bonnie and Bob lost Blue and Mara.   Together, too,  we celebrated the addition of animals to our circle - of Keaghan to Bonnie and Bob's family in November 2012, and Eddie and Mitzi to mine not long after.

Bonnie's favourite photo of
a young Keaghan and his fur sister Draeanne

Bonnie, Draeanne and Keaghan
hiking Bonnie and Bob's favourite trail

Then, in September 2013, Bob died of a heart attack,  and in December Draeanne passed away.  Bonnie and I, both without human family nearby and with only a small circle of close friends, spent more and more time together. We walked Eddie and Keaghan, sharing a similar love of the outdoors, of hilly trails and valley vistas, talking quietly as we rested, or laughing loudly as pants snagged on fallen logs or boots squelched in unnoticed puddles.

Greeting riders atop Richard's Mountain
Bonnie was a fine horsewoman in the
years before I knew her.

Keaghan and Bonnie
at Swallowfield 

Swallowfield on a cold winter's day

Bonnie and Eddie enjoy a moment together
at Crofton Lake this spring

One of our last hikes together.
Bonnie on her favourite perch,
gazing over the valley below

And then this spring, Bonnie fell ill.  Hiking became harder, breathing labored, and she was diagnosed with pneumonia.  She didn’t get better, grew decidedly worse, and just a month ago that diagnosis changed to one of suspected cancer.  Two weeks ago today, I took her to the hospital in Victoria for more tests, and the results led to her immediately being admitted.  Advanced, aggressive cancer - that killer which all the medical knowledge in the world just can’t seem to beat. 

The end came quickly.  Early Tuesday morning the doctor phoned to let me know she had slipped into a coma.  I left almost immediately, yet by the time I reached the hospital, she had passed away. 

In less than thirteen months, two year old Keaghan lost his whole family – his dad, his fur sister, his mom. And I had lost a very dear friend.

Misty view from 'Bonnie's spot'
on the mountain.
It will always be special to me.

Bonnie gave me many priceless gifts – the gift of friendship, companionship, a listening ear, a favourite hiking spot, a love for a breed I’d never met before. 

But she gave me one other gift during these last few weeks.  She taught me about compassion and caring at the end of life.  A year ago this week, it was my mom who lay dying, and I was not able to be there for her, either physically or emotionally.  It has always bothered me that I did not make that trip, help my family and friends with those last responsibilities, hold mom’s hand those final days.   The guilt, the feeling that I let my mom down, has plagued me for a year. 

With Bonnie, I was able to do those things, to take her to appointments, to sit with her at the hospital, to help her with personal matters, to take care of the ‘business of dying’ just before and even after death. 

This whole past month, I have felt I wasn’t just doing it for Bonnie, I was also doing it for Mom.  And I found a strength I didn’t know I had.  

Thank you, Bonnie, for accepting my help graciously, for trusting me to take care of things for you, for giving me what I could not give myself - the peace that comes with letting go of guilt.  That was the greatest gift of all.  

My friend, my hiking buddy, my sharer-of-wine-and laughter-and-tears, I shall miss you so very, very much.

"The Kiss"
Bonnie and Draeanne, 2013.

*****

Keaghan is currently being fostered by a wonderful couple up island, who have another wolfhound and decades of wolfhound experience.  His future is secure, under the terms of Bonnie's will, and I will update you on him in a later post. He is doing well, and I am sure Bonnie's spirit touched him as it flew towards Bob, Blue, Mara, Draeanne,  and a host of other dogs awaiting her at the Bridge. 

*****